My post yesterday got me thinking how I feel guilty for not writing more. I keep saying (almost promising) to myself and my readers I’ll write more but then life takes over and I’m busy, or tired, or don’t feel any inspiration to write, sometimes what I want to say feels stupid so it never gets published and times just passes.
And I keep making myself feel guilty for not living up to self-imposed obligations that really have no reason to be there in the first place. Making myself feel guilty over things I love doing will only do the opposite, create a negative reaction to them.
So today I decided I will not make myself feel guilty over anything. 🙂 And I’m not going to say failure is not an option here because that would again imply that I have to do it otherwise I would feel guilty. See how easy it is for me to get into that vicious circle?!
And this guilt doesn’t only cover writing. It covers many things I’d like to do in my regular life, run more, get out more, read more, do more. But, a day only has 24 hours, and what with sleeping and working, free time is limited.
So feeling guilty for not being able to put it all into that little time slot I have is basically ridiculous. The stuff you do for yourself, in your free time, should make you feel good all the time.
Therefore, I refuse to feel guilty over things that make me happy just because I can’t find the time or energy to do them as often as I’d like. I should be happy I can do them.
I AM happy there is time in my life to do them, however rare or often it happens.
Do you ever feel guilty for not doing everything you think you should?
Tagged: guilt, hapiness, I've been thinking, running, writing
All I am - a redhead 
First of all, please please don’t feel guilty about not posting as often as you think you should! You don’t have to entertain us – we just like to read when you want to write!
I always always feel guilty when I’m sick and have to call of work.
LikeLike
Ha! I feel guilty when I have to call in sick for work as well. Which is really stupid because I only do it when I’m seriously sick and that is very rare.
Rationally I know I shouldn’t feel guilty but I think it’s an ingrained trait that many women around me share and I’d say it has a lot to do with the way we are brought up.
Anyway, when I decided this yesterday, I felt relieved honestly. 🙂 It’s going to take a little work but I’m glad I’m going in that direction. 🙂
LikeLike
I know this feeling ALL too well, I also know it’s easy to say ‘don’t feel guilty’, but as you know it doesn’t quite work either.
I feel that ‘just doing’ without stopping to think about it, is what works best. So sit down to write and just do it, rather than thinking about doing it. Not that that’s easy either, but I try in order to not kill everything that I hold dear with guilt or other negative patterns.
Good luck
LikeLike
That makes sense. I mean, I should write when the urge strikes even if I only can do it on my smartphone at that moment.
The problem is it happens with so many other aspects of my life so I’ll simply take it one day at a time and what I can achieve will be enough.
I mean, it’s not like I don’t do many things in a day but I have so many more things I’d like to do that those I actually accomplish seem like nothing. 🙂 See, really easy to get myself feeling guilty. 😉
LikeLike
I feel guilty on a perpetual basis about both the blog and life. LOL. I always feel as though I should be doing more — for EVERYTHING. If I take even the shortest time off for myself, I almost feel anxiety about it, in addition to guilt. The thing is, when I take more than a brief moment off, when I really take a total break, then it becomes easier to finally let go and relax. At the same time, though, it also makes it harder to go back.
I compare all of this to being a frenetic hamster on a wheel, going round and round, faster and faster. When you’re on the wheel, it’s hard to get off. If you’re off the wheel for too long, it is harder to get back on. The trick is to time it so that you get off just long enough to be recharged BUT also not so long that you lose the passion that drove you to begin with.
Or something like that…. Honestly, I still haven’t worked it out for myself. Most of the time, I’m that crazed hamster with self-imposed obligations, self-created guilt, and permanent mental fatigue running like mad on that endless wheel, round and round until my little hamster feet bleed. 😀
LikeLike
Kafka, get your little hamster feet on the couch and get someone to care for them! 🙂
I agree that if you take time to rest, it gets hard to get back into a routine where you accomplish a lot but I think sometimes you need to rest in order not to burnout and then you have to rest for longer than what you would if you paid more attention to the need for rest before. (did I just over-complicate this sentence?)
The thing is, you probably accomplish a lot and always thinking you should have done more is not a good mental pathway. And resting without guilt is the hardest I think. 🙂
Ashamed to say that’s how I feel when I don’t use my time efficiently. But I will do all I can to stop that feeling. 🙂
LikeLike
I feel your pain Ines! I hope writing this post helps you unload some of that guilt. Such a rotten, unhelpful emotion. Please don’t feel it on behalf of posting though. It’s lovely whenever you check in.
LikeLike
Tara, it did help. So did deciding to stop it as soon as I start thinking in that direction. 🙂
LikeLike
Please don’t beat yourself up over your blog, Ines – everyday life can be challenging enough without something that should be pleasurable or fun turning into a hassle too. If you have a fragrance that helps you to relax, slap it on and breathe deeply!
LikeLike
Oh, Anna, I wish it was only my blog. 🙂 In true female fashion, I beat myself over the way I look, what I eat, how much money I spend… The list goes on and on and is completely unproductive. But I do feel much better about myself ever since I decided I don’t want to feel guilty anymore.
LikeLike
I don’t feel guilty unless I actually did something to feel guilty about (somehow that part I worked out with myself a long time ago). But it doesn’t help 🙂 because instead I feel sad/frustrated/agree/ when I don’t do everything I want to do/think I should be doing/think I should want to do. Completely unproductive! 🙂 I’m working on myself and I wish you determination in figuring out a good way to feel good about positive parts and not to feel bad about those things that are not worth feeling bad about – like writing posts, for example.
LikeLike
😀 Unproductive is the word. Whatever internal process takes you there. Honestly, though, I’ve been more productive ever since I decided not to feel guilty about not doing stuff. 🙂 I really hate that reverse psychology and the fact it works.
LikeLike
Oh Ines, I can completely relate to your feelings of guilt, and I think in my case they are exacerbated by living alone. With just me to look after the house, do maintenance, shopping, cleaning etc, whenever I sit down to write emails or blog I think: ‘Oh, but I should be cleaning the bathroom or weeding the borders’ or whatever, so my enjoyment of any chosen activity is slightly dulled by worries about leaving other tasks undone. I think I am more chilled out about my blogging frequency than I used to be – I have never even come close to Kafka’s frenetic bleeding-footed hamster schedule! – but other areas of my life – reading, even watching TV! – seem to have become even more neglected along the way somehow.
LikeLike
Ha! That’s what happened to me too. 🙂 I live alone now. And suddenly my free time has dwindled. But I’m ok with that. LIfe changes and we go through different periods so I decided I would accept the current one as it is and enjoy myself. The thing is, I like doing little chores around the house and being on my own, it’s just that time in a day is limited and well, I do need to sleep. 😉
LikeLike