Tag Archives: I’ve been thinking

A tale of friendship and love

I’ve been meaning to re-read this book for 15 years. Ever since the movies came out and I started forgetting why I was upset with them when they didn’t stick to the story but were good enough that I watched them again and again until the story of the book lay forgotten in the background of my mind.

This summer I finally read it again. And even though I said in the title it’s a story about friendship and love I would actually call it a story about friendship=love. Because one is so inextricably connected to the other.

So much so that by end of the book you feel your heart constrict with feelings of love and friendship you feel for the characters and you actually feel the depth of the emotions they have for each other.

I wish for so much pure love and friendship to be felt by everyone. What I don’t wish so much is the pain you need to go through to get to the point where true love is forged from it. Because roads like that don’t always end with people becoming true.

But as one of the characters says in the book:

It’s like in the great stories Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were, and sometimes you didn’t want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it’s only a passing thing this shadow, even darkness must pass. A new day will come, and when the sun shines it’ll shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were too small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand, I know now folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going because they were holding on to something.

I guess that is enough of a clue to say that true and pure emotion never comes without some hard effort. Although in this case it’s vice versa. Sacrifice came because the heart was pure and love of life made them go forth.

I guess now it’s clear what book is it that I re-read. ☺

I remember now why I loved this book so much. And why later Harry Potter made such an impact too.

It is so easy to turn your eyes to the other side and pretend it’s none of your business. I admit I do it too. I have a hard time dealing with the harsh realities of life. But I do wish to be brave and not give up. And I wish it was everyone’s wish. Just to be a bit braver.

Because even if it’s fantasy, it was conceived by a real life person – the possibility of resilience born out of friendship and love to succeed over all odds and win in the end.

Why shouldn’t that be possible in real life?

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I’m tired

I apologize in advance for my post being the introduction to the most depressive day of the year (tomorrow, January 16) but I need to let this out.

I’ve been feeling tired for quite some time now and being who I am, I kept trying to fix that. I don’t like feeling tired. But it seems I am tired of so many things, many of which I can’t fix.  I can write them down though, hoping this might make me feel a bit better.

In no particular order of importance, I’m tired of:

… egotistical people. Lying. People having no manners. People being rude because they think that makes them powerful. Powerplays in general.

… politicians. Everywhere. Being everything I mentioned in the first bullet plus having no shame. I always wondered about that – how do you get to a place where you feel no shame? You know you’re lying, people know you’re lying and there is just no shame. How do you become such a person?

…people not being honest with themselves and consequently with no one else. I know it’s not easy to be honest with oneself, as none of us is perfect and admitting you’re wrong takes courage. But it would make all interaction meaningful. And this world a much better place.

…so much unmeaningful chatter. It’s everywhere. Maybe it’s just me not seeing meaning in most conversations.

… of not being able to run because I can’t find what’s wrong with my back because it’s impossible to get an MRI for a year. At least. Unless you want to pay for it privately. Which makes the fact that we all have social healthcare we pay for quite a lot sort of redundant.

… not having time and energy to see my friends and talk to them.

… no longer reading or writing. Of smelling perfumes.

… being required to do many things at the same time because otherwise no work will be done in time (both at work and privately).

… opening my social media feeds and reading about everything I just listed here.

… of people not taking responsibility and owning up to their own shit. Most of the time it is NOT someone else’s fault. Be an adult and admit you’re not always right and that you make mistakes.

… more and more lax educational standards. That cannot lead to a prosperous future.

… patriarchy. Wannabe patriarchy. Chauvinism. Bringing me back to human decency and powerplays. It shouldn’t be that difficult to be a decent human being and mind your own business and let others do the same.

… feeling guilty. I know this one is just my own,  letting other people make me feel so. I need to learn to stand up more for myself. But I firmly believe it shouldn’t be so. It’s again basic decency – I’m not doing anything to hurt anybody, why in the world with all the criticism?!

… feeling like no one wants to tell the truth. It’s all criticism to get someone to act the way you want them to, passive-aggressive behaviour and generally people wanting to control other people. I know what that says about them but the problem is they don’t.

… being tired because stress has caused a disbalance in my hormones. It’s nothing big but it is big enough to make me feel tired most of the time. And then it’s a vicious circle getting motivated to exercise and bring back energy.

Mostly I’m just tired of wondering where is this world going to? 

Does this mean I’m getting old? 

I used to think the world is going on with some problems but generally in a good direction. Now I no longer have a good feeling about it.

I’ll leave you with a song that’s been on repeat for me for quite some time.

https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4

Long time, no sea

Sorry, couldn’t help myself. 🙂 It’s been a long time since I wrote anything, and well, this post will come with sea photos. 😉 

Yes, I’m on vacation. Finally.

I had (still have) time to think about what’s been going on in my life and pondering the reasons why I no longer have the time and/or energy to read and write. Honestly though, I haven’t come to any smart conclusions. Life takes you on a path and before you know it, all that once brought you pleasure as a hobby suddenly no longer fits into the hours in a day. I hate that.

So I spent my first week of vacation basically doing nothing. Just resting from the hectic pace my life is when I go to work. 

I sleep a lot, go for a swim, do some yoga and pilates and read. I’m just doing things I enjoy and that bring me relaxation and hopefully, one of these relaxed days I will have an epiphany and realize how to make time in my routine for things that make me happy and relaxed.
Because when I’m happy and relaxed, nice things happen to me. Like talking to a neighbor and discovering a new perfume gem I now covet. 

Cartier’s La Panthere. 

I was so surprised to find myself enjoying a perfume I thought was for older ladies. 😀 Oh, well, I’m the first to admit I’m prejudiced. 

Anyway, I hope to do a review sometime in the near future. So far, I can only say that after reading the notes, I am no longer surprised I fell for it. There is gardenia hidden in its heart. 🙂 

And to leave you now with typical Smokvica sights:

My New year’s resolutions

(not that they usually do me any good, I just basically follow my own way 😉 )

But, I woke up today with all the possibilities for this year clear in my head and with a strong urge to make them happen. Who knows, maybe now when I write them down, some of them actually happen. 🙂 I.E. I make them happen. 😉

1. Write more. Especially about perfume (there are many great perfumes I’ve tried lately that I want to write about).

2. Get organized – I have this feeling that if I get my different parts of my life better organized, it would make me faster when doing something and less stressed when I’m in a hurry

3. De-clutter all aspects of my life. I really feel I have too much stuff. Yes, I love shopping (I’m a true consumerist) but I would enjoy my stuff more if it didn’t get lost among all other stuff. 🙂

4. Figure out what is it that I want to do. Really want to do.

5. Do more yoga. Or pilates. It goes extremely well with running. And does wonders for my lower back.

6. Relax. I’m a really tense person who wants everything right now. I realized I have a problem enjoying the moment so I want to learn how to do that. Or just be more aware of it so I can enjoy life more. There’s no hurry. 😉

7. Keep on running. Ok, that’s nothing new but running helps me in so many ways that I just want to keep on doing it.

It’s that time of year (again)

When the linden trees are blooming in Zagreb. 🙂

I’ve been debating with myself if I should post about it (again) but walking the streets of Zgareb the last few days in the summer sun (it feels so warm) and smelling the lazy, sweet, seductive smell of the linden flowers, I just can’t help myself but share it. linden

It will last for a week, maybe two and the smell will be gone and I’ll forget again how many linden trees are in Zagreb and how wonderful it smells when they bloom.

Plus, they always make me think of my childhood. I just realized that they bloom close to the end of the school year. No wonder my memories of that smell are so positive. 😉

Spring-y thoughts

It is finally real spring here. It’s warm, everything is blooming and the sun shines for most of the day (and it’s day most of the day – no more early night).

People tend to ask what is your favorite season. And even though I really love them all, I think spring is slightly my favorite. It always feels like I’m waking from hibernation, I have more energy and I have will to do many things so days just fill up with fun activities. It seems everyone is more in the mood to be friendly and go out more.

I, for one, feel enthusiastic again about all the things I love doing. It seems I prefer doing them in the light of day. 😉

Perfume (and smell)-wise I’ve been wearing Shalimar Parfum Initial quite a lot lately (thanks to Birgit’s sale). I’m also waiting for the air to get fragrant as it’s spring but not much has been happening in that regard. The best I could smell was dewy grass and warm, wet sidewalks (we did have our share of rain lately).

But I know only days from now the air will be fragrant and it will just keep on getting better as spring gets in full bloom.

I’ll finish today with some photos I took on Sunday while at a friend’s barbecue (outside the city).

DSC_0584 DSC_0588 DSC_0589

Tired of feeling guilty

My post yesterday got me thinking how I feel guilty for not writing more. I keep saying (almost promising) to myself and my readers I’ll write more but then life takes over and I’m busy, or tired, or don’t feel any inspiration to write, sometimes what I want to say feels stupid so it never gets published and times just passes.guilty

And I keep making myself feel guilty for not living up to self-imposed obligations that really have no reason to be there in the first place. Making myself feel guilty over things I love doing will only do the opposite, create a negative reaction to them.

So today I decided I will not make myself feel guilty over anything. 🙂 And I’m not going to say failure is not an option here because that would again imply that I have to do it otherwise I would feel guilty. See how easy it is for me to get into that vicious circle?!

And this guilt doesn’t only cover writing. It covers many things I’d like to do in my regular life, run more, get out more, read more, do more. But, a day only has 24 hours, and what with sleeping and working, free time is limited.

So feeling guilty for not being able to put it all into that little time slot I have is basically ridiculous. The stuff you do for yourself, in your free time, should make you feel good all the time.

Therefore, I refuse to feel guilty over  things that make me happy just because I can’t find the time or energy to do them as often as I’d like. I should be happy I can do them.dr seuss

I AM happy there is time in my life to do them, however rare or often it happens.

Do you ever feel guilty for not doing everything you think you should?

Happy International Women’s Day!

Interestingly enough, it’s one of those days that are no longer celebrated in Croatia, ever since we came out of socialism at the end of 80s.

I wonder what that says about capitalism we live in today…

But that’s not a topic for a day like today.

I didn’t talk much about the strange year I had last year but one thing was very obvious – all the female support I received. Women are great!

I’m very happy to be one and I do feel that female  strength and solidarity need to be celebrated so I’m wishing you all a very happy day today!

May it be filled with sunshine and flowers! (carnations used to be the symbol of that day way back when I was a child)

karanfil2

heroinm

 

Quick update

Time flies and I have no good excuses for why I am not writing. I could come up with excuses but really, when you want to write, you find the time. So, yes, no good excuses (as I do want to write). writing

I do promise though to try and manage my time more efficiently and therefore find the time to write when I am not dead on my feet (that ought to help).

 

In the meantime I almost passed my driver’s exam yesterday. 🙂 Hopefully that means I’ll do it the next time round. Honestly, getting a driver’s license in Croatia is a rather long and a bit difficult process (just to warn you if it ever crosses your mind) so I’m hoping in my case it will be all over soon.

Perfume-wise, I discovered an old decant of Donna Karan’s Chaos and sprayed it one day to remember what it smelled like and completely fell in love. That said, the decant is empty so if anyone has any they’d like to share, please think of me. 🙂

(I’m pretty sure it’s the “new” version as I sincerely doubt I got my hands on the “old” one)

 

P.S. You can imagine how strange my life is at the moment when I can’t find the time to read?!

2014 – the year of life

I find it funny that for the last few years I complained about how my years, generally looking, weren’t all that good. And that was true. They could be described as “meh” at best.

And then, 2014 came. I have no better words to describe it except – it was the year where life decided to teach me some lessons.

The most important being, you cannot stand still. You cannot think this is the way your life is and that’s it. If you don’t move from a place where you are standing still, life will move you. And that might not be the nicest of moves.

It has been a difficult year for me but I decided to see it as a life lesson and that has helped me immensely in putting things into perspective. I mean, it is always your choices that bring you into situations so it only makes sense when stuff goes wrong, you take a good, long look at what it was that brought you there.

In any case, the life lesson has been hard but necessary and I am grateful for it.

But the thing I am most grateful for is my friends. There are so many sayings about friends but really, when sh*t hits the fan, you will know who your friends are.

I feel really awful saying this, but I really didn’t expect so much loving support from everywhere. It did make me cry a few times just out of sheer appreciation and happiness.

So to all my friends wherever you are (and you are everywhere) – a big thank you and I love you all. You made my year amazingly bountiful. 🙂

Now on to my personal life lessons. 🙂

There are only two actually – being brave and patient. Brave in saying what it is that I want and living my life the way I want to, and patient not to expect things to happen this instant (I’m still working on that). 😉

I have no particular expectations of 2015. Everything works out great when I stop expecting things and just live and enjoy the experiences life provides. Sure, there are things I’d like to make happen in the coming year (writing more being one of them) but we’ll see what happens. Life has opened a door into a bright future for me but didn’t let me know what awaits there.

So I’ll be patient and brave and see for myself.

Wishing everyone a wonderful New Year and hopefully we will all, at one point, be able to raise a glass of champagne together. 🙂

champagne_toast

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