I’ve been thinking – about being in balance

When I said the other day that I meant to write more, I did actually mean about perfumes but it seems now I’m still at the point where I’m talking more about my thoughts than perfume. Oh well. It’ll get better.

I noticed these last years that autumn is just not my time of year. Not that I don’t like it, I like it very much. The colors, the smells, the cold seeping slowly around my city, curled with a book while it rains outside and I’m warm, there is just so much to love about autumn. But it just isn’t the time of year when I feel at 100%. Or 90 %. Well, at the moment, I don’t think I’m more than 60% of my own self.

The things is, this spring, I felt I was completely in balance. I had managed to set my life so I would have time for all the things I love, I was able to write often and everything was moving at the right pace. Then came the time of bad stuff and after that, I just can’t seem to regain my balance. I try, and it seems I’m getting there and then something happens, and it seems I’m more behind than I was before.  At least, that’s the way I feel now.
I know life will eventually move into my “perfect” balanced routine but I wish it would happen sooner.
One of the things I noticed that happens each autumn is that I cannot get back into my training routine. I start normal when I get back from my vacation and it lasts a few weeks and then everything falls apart.
It seems to me I need to either learn to go with the flow of annual life for me (which is difficult because it makes me feel lazy) or I need to do something with my subconscience and convince it that it needs to let me pursue my ideas and needs at 100% of my usual self. Because I’m usually more concentrated and healthy and optimistic than I am now (or any other autumn until now for that matter).

At the moment, it’s only perfume that has the capability to make me sigh in relief. It’s worrying when I lose interest in books.  But perfume still holds the mystery and even when it’s bad, it’s still a new mystery to discover.

Like what I’m smelling today. Tom Ford’s Champaca Absolute. I’m baffled by it. I didn’t fall in love with it, for that matter, I’m not even sure I like it but it mesmerized me with this austereness emanating from it. That was my initial thought. Bitter and austere (and white). Then I took a look at the notes and noticed Tokaji wine and cognac mentioned first. They don’t seem to be in my decant. 🙂 I have no idea where they went, but believe me, I would have noticed if they were around. 🙂
Champaca Absolute certainly doesn’t qualify (IMO) as a winter scent and I need to try it once weather turns warm again. It holds an appeal I cannot understand. It is by no account my type of scent. But I cannot help smelling my wrist over and over again. I’m entranced by a perfume I would never have guessed had that ability. But then again, you never know what awaits you around the corner…

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9 thoughts on “I’ve been thinking – about being in balance

  1. Michael October 15, 2010 at 00:03 Reply

    I hope you feel better soon Ines. Keep your chin up and you'll see – things will get better. Regards, Michael

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  2. flittersniffer October 15, 2010 at 00:57 Reply

    I know what you mean about feeling in balance but I don't think you should be too hard on yourself. I am lazy, unfit and way too addicted to this computer. I neglect household chores and I don't even have any work at the moment, so you may actually be a model of focused and motivated productivity. Everything is relative. : – )

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  3. Josephine October 15, 2010 at 04:36 Reply

    I love this post and I so get what you're talking about with my mother's death in the spring. I, too, am having a difficult time finding the right balance. Thank you for saying it so well.

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  4. Ines October 15, 2010 at 11:29 Reply

    Thanks Michael, nothing is forever. It will pass.

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  5. Ines October 15, 2010 at 11:33 Reply

    FS, I don't think anyone should count neglected household chores as laziness. That is just a fact of life. :)The problem with me is that I want to do so many things but don't have the time and energy and at the moment, will to do them. I'm sure it will change soon enough.

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  6. Ines October 15, 2010 at 11:36 Reply

    Thank you Josephine. I cannot imagine what you must be going through, I lost someone dear to me almost like a father, but losing one's mother is a thought that scares me too much.I hope you find your balance soon as well.

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  7. Haddock October 15, 2010 at 19:22 Reply

    I suppose Yoga also helps in achieving some balance in life.

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  8. Ines October 18, 2010 at 10:35 Reply

    Hi Haddock, I've heard great things about yoga but haven't tried it yet (I will eventually though). For the time being, pilates helps.

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  9. Anonymous October 23, 2010 at 06:58 Reply

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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