Tag Archives: friends

I’m tired

I apologize in advance for my post being the introduction to the most depressive day of the year (tomorrow, January 16) but I need to let this out.

I’ve been feeling tired for quite some time now and being who I am, I kept trying to fix that. I don’t like feeling tired. But it seems I am tired of so many things, many of which I can’t fix.  I can write them down though, hoping this might make me feel a bit better.

In no particular order of importance, I’m tired of:

… egotistical people. Lying. People having no manners. People being rude because they think that makes them powerful. Powerplays in general.

… politicians. Everywhere. Being everything I mentioned in the first bullet plus having no shame. I always wondered about that – how do you get to a place where you feel no shame? You know you’re lying, people know you’re lying and there is just no shame. How do you become such a person?

…people not being honest with themselves and consequently with no one else. I know it’s not easy to be honest with oneself, as none of us is perfect and admitting you’re wrong takes courage. But it would make all interaction meaningful. And this world a much better place.

…so much unmeaningful chatter. It’s everywhere. Maybe it’s just me not seeing meaning in most conversations.

… of not being able to run because I can’t find what’s wrong with my back because it’s impossible to get an MRI for a year. At least. Unless you want to pay for it privately. Which makes the fact that we all have social healthcare we pay for quite a lot sort of redundant.

… not having time and energy to see my friends and talk to them.

… no longer reading or writing. Of smelling perfumes.

… being required to do many things at the same time because otherwise no work will be done in time (both at work and privately).

… opening my social media feeds and reading about everything I just listed here.

… of people not taking responsibility and owning up to their own shit. Most of the time it is NOT someone else’s fault. Be an adult and admit you’re not always right and that you make mistakes.

… more and more lax educational standards. That cannot lead to a prosperous future.

… patriarchy. Wannabe patriarchy. Chauvinism. Bringing me back to human decency and powerplays. It shouldn’t be that difficult to be a decent human being and mind your own business and let others do the same.

… feeling guilty. I know this one is just my own,  letting other people make me feel so. I need to learn to stand up more for myself. But I firmly believe it shouldn’t be so. It’s again basic decency – I’m not doing anything to hurt anybody, why in the world with all the criticism?!

… feeling like no one wants to tell the truth. It’s all criticism to get someone to act the way you want them to, passive-aggressive behaviour and generally people wanting to control other people. I know what that says about them but the problem is they don’t.

… being tired because stress has caused a disbalance in my hormones. It’s nothing big but it is big enough to make me feel tired most of the time. And then it’s a vicious circle getting motivated to exercise and bring back energy.

Mostly I’m just tired of wondering where is this world going to? 

Does this mean I’m getting old? 

I used to think the world is going on with some problems but generally in a good direction. Now I no longer have a good feeling about it.

I’ll leave you with a song that’s been on repeat for me for quite some time.

https://youtu.be/u9Dg-g7t2l4

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2014 – the year of life

I find it funny that for the last few years I complained about how my years, generally looking, weren’t all that good. And that was true. They could be described as “meh” at best.

And then, 2014 came. I have no better words to describe it except – it was the year where life decided to teach me some lessons.

The most important being, you cannot stand still. You cannot think this is the way your life is and that’s it. If you don’t move from a place where you are standing still, life will move you. And that might not be the nicest of moves.

It has been a difficult year for me but I decided to see it as a life lesson and that has helped me immensely in putting things into perspective. I mean, it is always your choices that bring you into situations so it only makes sense when stuff goes wrong, you take a good, long look at what it was that brought you there.

In any case, the life lesson has been hard but necessary and I am grateful for it.

But the thing I am most grateful for is my friends. There are so many sayings about friends but really, when sh*t hits the fan, you will know who your friends are.

I feel really awful saying this, but I really didn’t expect so much loving support from everywhere. It did make me cry a few times just out of sheer appreciation and happiness.

So to all my friends wherever you are (and you are everywhere) – a big thank you and I love you all. You made my year amazingly bountiful. 🙂

Now on to my personal life lessons. 🙂

There are only two actually – being brave and patient. Brave in saying what it is that I want and living my life the way I want to, and patient not to expect things to happen this instant (I’m still working on that). 😉

I have no particular expectations of 2015. Everything works out great when I stop expecting things and just live and enjoy the experiences life provides. Sure, there are things I’d like to make happen in the coming year (writing more being one of them) but we’ll see what happens. Life has opened a door into a bright future for me but didn’t let me know what awaits there.

So I’ll be patient and brave and see for myself.

Wishing everyone a wonderful New Year and hopefully we will all, at one point, be able to raise a glass of champagne together. 🙂

champagne_toast

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